Paying bills is one of my least favorite things. Not that anyone ever celebrated the occasion. I mean, could you picture it? Crack open the champagne Jimmy, the water bill came in!
I digress. Like i said, I hate paying bills as does the rest of America, but what makes it worse? Paying them in person, when you're hungover, that's worse.
So the boy previously written about (who left me for a grease-ball) and I were power drinking at his house, as per usual. It was a wonderful Friday afternoon, followed by a wonderful Friday night, followed by the sunrise and a long nap. Then realization hit that I had exactly zero time left to pay my cell phone bill, you see on Sundays, they are closed this was the last chance before, (duh nuh nuhhhh) line suspension.
As I mustered up the strength to get up and get dressed, I came to terms with the fact this day was going to be annoying. I had very little motivation, but I put on my sunglasses and hid my annoyed hangover behind the mirrored tint. I walk into the store, sunglasses still on, make no eye contact and proceed to the automated machine that eats my money.
Doing my best to stand and insert bills one by one, I pay the bill. As I'm a quarter of the way through this annoyingly slow process, a customer service representative glides his way over to me, and to this day, I'll have no idea why.
"Excuse me ma'am, do you have home phone serivce?"
I look around the store, the CELL PHONE store, then back at him.
"No." I replied with one eyebrow raised ever so angrily over my sunglasses. I looked away and before the next bill was to the machine......
"Are you interested in purchasing home phone service today?" He over eagerly asked me with a false sense of enthusiasm, and partial tone of shame.
As uninterested and annoyed as I could sound, I slowly turned my head to him almost stared confusingly, even, and replied, "No, thank you. I have an iPhone."
As if that weren't enough of an explanation (I mean they do everything- there really is an app for that) he continued trying to sell me, the hung over customer obviously not wanting to be bothered while hiding behind her sunglasses, other "services".
"Well who is your internet provider? Are you, or can I interest you in internet service today?" Super smiley faced annoyance man asked.
"No. Again, I have an iPhone" now staring at him from my peripheral. "Believe it or not, this thing makes phone calls, and gets on the internet. I mean honestly, you are trying to sell me a phone for my home, when I clearly have one attached to me at all times, the one I'm currently shoving a day's work worth of pay into this here MACHINE to pay? The machine I came to so I wouldn't have to deal with people. While I'm in sunglasses, in the corner of the store obviously not wanting to be seen or bothered?!?"
I almost wanted to look for Ashton. I thought maybe I was being punk'd. I mean, is he a new guy? Are they hazing him? I've done it, I once told a girl to empty all the hot water out the coffee maker, the ones with the hot water spout. The poor dimwit stood there forever spilling scalding water on herself wondering when it would run out.
Was he bored? Was he stupid? I mean at this point I honestly didn't know.
"Sir, I'm a girl in my twenties. Ok? I don't need a home phone, I'm never there, if I were this handy thing is too- imagine that PORTABLE PHONES. Holy flip!! I don't need internet service, through your already shitty overpriced cellphone service company. Because, again, I have an iPhone, it does both."
He stammered off, I continued to empty ungodly amounts of cash into this reverse twisted ATM style bill payment machine, scowled around at the other CSR's and began to leave.
I mean really? Really?!?! Are you really selling home phone service? What the hell is the point of your company? Do I even look remotely interested? Don't sell me shit unless I ask about it.
Selling something? Nope. Fundraiser? Nope, I have plenty of stale popcorn in tins, my ass is too fat for candy bars, and I don't need any fantastically overpriced wrapping paper. Girl scouts? no- yes of course, I'll take two - err three boxes of the samoas, sorry I yelled girls, I thought you were the Jehovah's witness again.
I'm not openly walking around like hey, try your sales pitch on me, please. I mean it's not like I'm wearing sunglasses inside for christ sake.
Home phone service. Jesus, I mean really guy, it's 2013. Get with it.
Point of this story?
Communication is key. To pissing me off.
This is what obsolete looks like - a joke. So much so we buy them to be silly to stick in our portable phones. Idiot.
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